The first glimpse of depression

when you're lonely... the heart cries out...
when nightmares return, again and again to haunt you...

you can't sleep, for fear of dreaming.
you can't close your eyes, for terror lurks in the shadows...

... I'm scared...

but my fear is the opposite...

I'm scared of waking, because the next day brings time on wings.
I'm scared of opening my eyes, because it means that a new day has risen...

time flies... like a flash, a wave... a ghost of a memory long gone to past...

whats there to live for? when your life is in shambles?
whats there to hope for? when you only see mockery in people's eyes?
whats there to fight for? when all you see is defeat?

... life in army is so phobia-inducing that i live in constant fear and apprehension at what is going to come next...

... i lost one battle.. will I lose the next?

.. again? and again?.. and again...

... so many questions.. so little answers...



....



so many conflicting remarks, responses and replies...



I just want to live the life I used to live...

carefree and happy...

instead of constantly living in the shadow of fear...



... I don't think I could have survived, if not for a single thread that I clinged on so tight onto...

... love.

...its sounds mushy and stupid right?....

but.. its all I have, all I am now...

I've even lost myself in depression..



... mindlessly waiting for the person I love to hold me close again...


... I'm so alone... missing you..



*cries*

I want my Alvin...

WeEE~!

Greetings from MALAYSIA. *don't laugh nicholas*

YoZ! Greeting from Malaysia - Truly ASIA.



umm.. we're in a lao-kok-kok internet cafe in KL now and we've only 5 more minutes to get everything done before the entire system hangs and we go kaput.



*cough*



%^@)!& we still havn't managed to get to KL's Chinatown to grasp their "fantastic offers" and I'm already extremely low on cash.



bleah.



so many incidents. so many unforseened events. Its quite pissifying.



Fortunately I have Alvin - the chipmunk with me now.



and..



yup.



I'm going to annoy all of you by posting Alvin and the Chipmunk Christmas songs for the next 10 days!



*grins*



* Merry Christmas! *



or.... rather.



- hari... kristmas. - zzzz

Wee~ Finally, a holiday break!
And I'm going to spend it with.... HIM!!

xD

Its also going to be the first time I'm going to be overseas with hardly any experience... =X

=)

But.... I hope we'll have a great time!

I'm so happy and excited!

WeE!~!

*hugs*

Choices.

And so it passes... Basic Military Training is over.

And I have made the choices and decisions for my next two years of my NS life that are irrevocable...

I still have some hesitations, and many nightmares about my choice... and what it would represent...

... everybody had such high hopes in me...


sometimes, I feel like I've let so many people down... and myself too...

but it is a choice, and a path I would've taken even if I tried otherwise too...

Well, its goodbye to OCS and SISPEC. And I'll be worse off then 90% of my friends... in terms of NS.







My life, begins earlier.

The Last Days in BMT

BMT is almost over... The future seems really unsure and bleak for me now...

sigh... seems like I've fallen a long way since I vowed to do my best for this 2 years...

My resolve wavered and eventually crumbled to dust..

I'm really quite a sad case, I admit it myself...


=/


But over the course of time in BMT, I realized that I'm just not built for a military life, in spite of its physical nature and glorious agenda...

I learned a vast load of lessons in BMT, notwithstanding a few like -

1) I learned that "I" is the biggest motivator. There is no bigger motivator then "I". Without such, you can do nothing.

2) God DOES answer prayer directly after all!

3) Field camp is not meant for everybody. Going through it does not mean that you would be able to go through another one without difficulty again.

4) Leaders are bred, - from a long, long time ago. They are the ones who know when to fall, and they are the ones who take pride in their own achievements.

5) Life in the army is terrible, beyond your wildest imagination.



... and so, Andrew rethought his decision to be an officer, within the second month, rethought his decision to be a specialist, within the third month, and decided to tone down...



=/



Andrew is not suppose to be like that...

is he?

Sometimes... life takes you down paths that you don't want to, with no choice... But when the choice comes, you weigh the consequences and the outcomes...

sure, 9 months in OCS for the glory of being an officer - but just for the pride of becoming one?
Or is it the pat on the back that you have proven your worth?

my pat on my back is that if I manage to get a non-combat vocation, I'd never have to go through field camps, live firing and route marches again.

sure, 6 months in SISPEC for the glory of being a sergeant - come again? Sergeant? They're just barely above the rank of corporal, which is what most "non-command-school" people become. And for 6 months of hell?

... rethink.

Life in BMT was bad.
Nobody disagrees with me that life in Command School is worse.

Life in BMT is worst. - RE: WORST.
Can you imagine how life in Command School would be?




I stand by my opinions that I would be able to contribute to the SAF in greater capacity were I to maximize my skills (i.e. in Public Relations/Video Production/Music etc.)



I'm not really a leader, as much as I tried my best in the past...



"I" motivates "Me" to veer my course towards another, possibly brighter future...

The clock ticks... Every moment burns another minute, every minute drives me nearer to the time before I have to go back to camp again...

I'm pathetic..

I can't even live the dream that I started out in the first place...

Command school what shit... I can't even stand Basic Military Training... How on earth can I lead people to live the life I hate so much?

This week will be the 16 km route march...

=/

Another severe test of my endurance...

... sigh...

Misery....

I wanna go home...
I wanna stay home...

I really hate army life... =(

I wonder if it could get any better, or worse... for that matter...

I sprained my leg while doing the Standard Obstacle Course, got a severe drug allergy which I didn't know of, got deported to Changi General Hospital A&E and got attend C...

I wondered if I was going to die..

=(

Life in the army is not the type of life I could ever live with...

I have people I love outside,
I have friends, I have family...

Inside, everybody is so demoralized and depressed that it seems like a confinement camp then anything else...

I know the commanders try to cheer people up,
some of the soon-to-be leaders try to lift people up..

But the majority of us just wants to carry on with our lives...

Life is MISERABLE there...

M-I-S-E-R-A-B-L-E!!!

the complete lack of freedom, space, time to do anything you want...
the feeling of complete drainage of energy at the end of the day...
the shadow of hopelessness knowing that its going to be a tougher day the next day...

why?

why??

is it a rite of course that Singaporeans must go through?

Protecting the country is a must, but why this way?

Can't the country first instill patriotism before subjugation?



Pain..
I can't walk properly now...
Aches jut up my leg at irregular intervals...


I was lucky not to get a fracture....

But how many else might not be so lucky?

Losing a leg, an arm, a spine for Singapore... Is this the price that is considered?


Army...


I'm utterly depressed and miserable..
I just want to get out and live a normal civilian life...

Which citizenship is worth it to be subjected to such a life?

Two years.


Its enough to make me cry..


I just wanna go home and be in your arms again...



*cries badly*

------------------

Michael Buble - "Home"

Another summer day
Has come and gone away
In Paris and Rome
But I wanna go home
Mmmmmmmm

Maybe surrounded by
A million people I
Still feel all alone
I just wanna go home
Oh, I miss you, you know

And I’ve been keeping all the letters that I wrote to you
Each one a line or two
“I’m fine baby, how are you?”
Well I would send them but I know that it’s just not enough
My words were cold and flat
And you deserve more than that

Another aeroplane
Another sunny place
I’m lucky I know
But I wanna go home
Mmmm, I’ve got to go home

Let me go home
I’m just too far from where you are
I wanna come home

And I feel just like I’m living someone else’s life
It’s like I just stepped outside
When everything was going right
And I know just why you could not
Come along with me
'Cause this was not your dream
But you always believed in me

Another winter day has come
And gone away
In even Paris and Rome
And I wanna go home
Let me go home

And I’m surrounded by
A million people I
Still feel all alone
Oh, let me go home
Oh, I miss you, you know

Let me go home
I’ve had my run
Baby, I’m done
I gotta go home
Let me go home
It will all be all right
I’ll be home tonight
I’m coming back home


-------------------

FYP submission is 20 days away....

My facilitator gave me some good news yesterday, I dont have to write a report on my FYP since my project itself forms part of the report. Thats good, otherwise I have to write another 7000 word explaining the report again which is a complete waste of time.









Im just wondering...why do couples in a relationship sometimes reject acts of love from each other? Its always the case where A travels to meet B with the intention of just seeing him/her and ends up being scolded because his actions were "pointless". Maybe its "pointless" because there isnt a strong reason supporting A's action, but must every of A's act of love have a strong point or an agenda to be carried out?



The very reason why A travels to meet B in the first place is simply because of pure love. Not because he is feeling bored or having too much time. And often, A ends up feeling hurt when he gets scolded for showing his love.



Couples should learn to appreciate acts of love from each other even if they dont seem to have a point. Its about receiving and giving and not rejecting. Rejecting and scolding the person sends a wrong message to the other party that he isnt being appreciated and leads to misunderstandings. When it comes to love freely receive as you give. =D

























*hugs tightly* I love you dear...dont scold me too sternly again k?

Epilogue to the worst of BMT

Okay. So apparently the worst is over...

- Field Camp
- SITTEST
- Rifle Range

Thank God for His protection in every one of these tests..
=)











sigh... I miss you so...
Why must it be this way,
Hurts so much to be away from you..

I love you so much..
I may not be very expressive,
but I do love you..

I love you very much dear..

*hugs extremely tight*

3rd Week of Nightmares

Ok. The field camp nightmare is over....
The next week is also another pretty nightmarish...

1) Firing Range
2) Situational Test

Basically, this month of November is the nightmare of BMT for me...

Dear God,
Only 3 things I ask this week

- Help me go through the Firing Test very smoothly, I don't need to get marksman or anything... just let me go through it without problems

- Help me endure the 12 km route march to the SITTEST site...

- Keep me safe this week

please dear God... only one more week to go, before the storm settles...
please....
please..

In Jesus' name,
Amen.

Field Camp Explicitives

I've finished field camp...
Explicit descriptives would not be able to even hint at the conditions that we were put through...

Of course, any NS guy would tell you, "Its nothing lah, wait till you go into unit or Command School then you know".

then I'd give them the *blank* stare and a middle finger and list out these points.

1) My field camp is right smack in the middle of the Eastern Monsoon Season.

2) My OC is a highly pro-field-camp commander, to prove my point, every single person who missed even one small event in the field camp will have to re-do that particular part of the field camp, or worse still - redo field camp. - yes. every. single. person. which includes those dick pain leg pain, attend C, measles, funerals etc.

3) While every other company gets to dig trenches on freshly dug and soft ground, my company has to dig our trench IN THE MIDDLE OF AN OIL PALM PLANTATION, on UNTOUCHED SOIL.

4) The *smack* *splat* *squelch* sound that you hear when you hear "halt!" or "contacted!", and the sick feeling in your stomach when you realized that you didn't tighten your boots tight enough.


But God is good. All the time.
And I really thank my heavenly Father for answering all my prayers at the right time...

I asked for a few things, and only after the field camp did I realize that God gave abundantly and bountifully.

- I asked that something would happen to me, and cause me to be unable to take the field camp.
~ If God had answered that prayer, I would be doomed to have to re-take field camp again under a probably more hostile condition.

- I asked that my hunger will be filled during that camp, despite the sever stomachache I had after consuming the field rations
~ It came in the form of a surprise batch of Deepavali celebration goodies, and on the second last day, fresh rations even.

- I asked that there would be good weather during the field camp.
~ The weather seemed to be sucky while we were conducting field camp, but looking back at it, the weather was a god-sent! Because it only drizzled lightly for most of the days, during the inconsequential times.
And when it did rain extremely heavily for one particular night, we were, prior to that, mobilized for shelter already.
And, if not for the light rain fall that fell occasionally during the 6 days, we would have a hellish times digging our trench, because the rain softened the soil considerably.
Finally, the moment we stepped back at company line, there was a massive downpour shortly after that lasted for more then ten hours. And it rained everyday very heavily for the next few days.

- I asked God not to let me take more then I could bear
~ He made me finish field camp.



God is good, and I trust Him to guide me throughout my life..

=)

Advent of Field Camp

Field Camp looms ahead this coming week.

I'm scared.. I'm really scared..

Its going to be really, really REALLY tough....

=(

I'm scared...




*cries*

Back. Booked in for 1 day and book out again on the next day.

hell yeah.

weird.

i feel like eating.

I'm not going to blog... now.

umm.. yah. I'll tell you about the Advent of the Bobo Shooters and my mental conception of what the field camp would be like maybe... afterwards.

umm.. ok.. bye.

Attend-C...

Was feeling super sick yesterday and got deported off the island with a raging fever of 38.5...

=/

Fever dropped to 37.9 now, but still feeling mighty woozy...

=/

But I know that my body got it's much needed rest now....
11 hours of sleep.. now that's a luxury that 99% of army personnels never get to enjoy..

and... this also means that my weekend is doomed for RT...
zzz...

Re-gime-n-ta-tion.

Define -
Regimentation : subject to rigid discipline, order, and systematization

....

apparently, life in the army is all about that.

Rigid discipline can equate to imposing disciplinary actions on the most minor things by categorizing it with the most major stuff.

i.e. "Late for 14 seconds = Blatant disobedient of orders given by commander, hence, insubordination"
thus, we're to be "grateful" that we're only given a few hundred push ups.

Order can equate to doing all sorts of completely unnecessary stuffs in order to impose "order" onto the school

i.e. "Traveling to all places within BMTC within MUST be always marching, with rigid 45 degree pacing, 90 degrees hands swinging and a head throbbing dull thud of boots at all times; even though the chin up bar is like 10 meters away."

Systemization can equate to an "naturally unnatural" form of "non-punishment, punishment" that is totally "unreasonably reasonable".

i.e. "You have to do guard duty this weekend and burn your book out *(even though every other person gets to do it on a weekday), don't argue - suck thumb - this is called regimentation."

To me, regimentation is an overlapping of order, that has stacked up so profusely over the years that rather then becoming an "efficient" solution, it has became a barrier to effectiveness.


Well, the army loves it. So... in the words of Sargent Alex, "-suck thumb-".


The company commanders have issued a directive that anybody who fails IPPT, or misses 3 lessons in a row, will have to burn their weekend book outs for Remedial Training.

ZZZ.

yes. ZZZ.

Firstly, over 90% of the entire company failed IPPT. Seriously, confinement will seriously dampen the morale of the company. Causing them to be unable to have civilian rest will only cause their strength to be sapped.

Secondly, those who miss 3 lessons in a row? Sounds so much like its directed at those who went to the Medical Officer (MO) and got an "activity excused" pass from them due to injury, sickness or severe muscle soreness.
What will happen now?
- nobody will go to the M.O. for fear of having to be confined on the weekend for additional training
- people will start falling severely ill or be severely injured and thus being Out of Training/Course.
- the company size will seriously start to dwindle - again.


Tada. Life in BMT rocks.


Actually... I wonder what would happen to me if my friends found out that I have a boyfriend.

hmmmm...

ok. I don't really want that to happen as of yet.





Its all I can do, to soothe your heart.
A heart of pain and loneliness.
Hold it close and never let it go.

I give you... me.

=)


***
Tank - Qing Tian Yu, (Summer's Rain)

You said that you are the rain
Whereas I am the sun that shines blindingly

And I'm not supposed to be in
Your grey, dull world

When I tried to dry your tears
You simply rejected me

My warmth in my hands
I wanted so much to share some with you

I wished it would rain suddenly
And let me understand how you feel in the cold night

Whoever said that the sun and rain cannot be together?
I only ever want to be with you

Today, and tomorrow. I never want to be apart
I'll wait for my rain to appear on my sunny day


You said you're not afraid of the dark
And it doesn't matter if you're alone

Carrying your sadness with an umbrella alone
You couldn't care about love anymore

I want carry you on my wings
To fly to the other side of the rainbow

Where only happiness exists
Till forever...


Then I wished it would rain suddenly
And let me understand how you feel in the cold night

Whoever said that the sun and rain can only oppose each other?
I only ever want to be with you

Today, and tomorrow. I never want to be apart
I'll wait for my rain to appear on my sunny day

And when it rains when the sun shines, its so beautiful
When our skies will never be alone again

Let me wish for the sun for you,
the rain which falls on the sunny days

When our skies will never be alone again...

National Endurance

National service... I think I'm like getting used to the hell that I'm being put thru...

Everybody is like falling sick, getting out-of-training statuses and reducing the entire platoon to like half its original strength..

=/

Yah, life in NS is really tough...

But I'm definitely reaping reaping rewards from it already...

I can run like 9 rounds around the stadium, which is approximately 6+ km, I can do up to 18 chin ups now...
Its quite dreamy... but the tough training has proven its worth.

The only obstacle now is the route marches... Its quite sucky.. =/

We don't really march for really long, but its ultra nerve exhausting...

For once, I realize what is the true meaning of "taking your mind off the training"... Because for route marches, the moment you think about the march, you die..

But I'm seriously proud of my platoon.... We've always proven time and again that our platoon is the best...

sigh..

think positive.

I think.. I can see my 6 pack.

haha. maybe i'm hallucinating...

But I definately have a much, much, MUCH more defined body then 1 month ago now....

Not bulky, just nice..

=)

yaay.

NS is good.

erm.. yah...

National Hell.

Life in army sucks.
I never could have dreamt that it would suck so badly.

=/

I guess I was caught unprepared...
I wouldn't be fazed if it was an unending cycle of physical training, nor would I be fazed if I had to go and crawl in the mud.

but. what I can't stand is the sheer sterilized regimentation.

You cannot walk from one road to another - you must march.
You cannot question the background of orders - you must do.
You cannot smile when you're marching or doing drills.
You cannot have a speck of dust on your bunk's ceiling fans.
You cannot have a single tiny trail of watermark on your bunk's windows.
You cannot have water in the toilet.
You cannot.
You cannot.
You cannot.

The army is so regimented that I feel that synchronization has replaced effectiveness and efficiency.

And I really, really, REALLY hate guard duty.

I HATE GUARD DUTY.

I think its like one of the worst possible things that can happen in NS.

No wonder its a form of punishment.

zzz.

Worst of all, i have about 20 hours left before I have to book in again.


ARRGH...





_____________________

I'm so sorry I couldn't stay over with you today love..
I'll make it up to you one day,
Just remember,
Like the sun that rises every morning,
The darkness will have to end soon...

Wait for me, my love... its all I ask...

1 more day to book out :D

Finally, its almost 2 weeks! Thanks to all my friends who were there to help and console me whne I was feeling down and emo. =)

Hmm...Andrew sounded moody tonite, I think its the weather, the stress and the huge amount of laundry thats taking a toll on him.

School was really tiring this week. I have been staying back till 8 almost everyday because of the events Im organising. This is going to be the busiest and the most hectic semester of my poly life....sigh.

I have been spending my time during the past few days reading up stuff about BMT and some blogs ...and so far, I couldnt find anything appealing in the information Ive been reading so far(other than booking out)...sigh...thinking about what Andrew is goin through currently makes me worry for him....=/ The blogs I read about BMT are mainly from the NS 40 home portal. ==>http://lifestyle.ns40.sg/blog/index.php/gabriel/bookout_day/

okie...its getting late, I still need to review my portfolio and check some financial news before sleeping. Goodbye! ^^

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A Place In My Heart

Music & Lyrics: Kevin Quah
Performed by Sean Wong

It doesn't matter where I come from
It doesn't matter what I do
It doesn't matter what I believe in
It doesn't matter how tough it may be

It only matters we've come through together
Closer with every page we turn
It only matters we could make it better
Reaching out to the sky

You will always have A Place in My Heart
You will always be the Spark
Every smile we share every tear we've shed
There's nothing we can't overcome

You will always have A Place in My Heart
You will always be the Spark
If I'm lost and weary I'm not worried
I know You will always be there with open arms

I'll always treasure those happy moments
I can remember all the songs
It doesn't matter I'm ordinary
It doesn't matter how different we are


It only matters we've come through together
Closer with every page we turn
It only matters we could make it better
Reaching out to the sky


You will always have A Place in My Heart
You will always be the Spark
Every smile we share every tear we've shed
There's nothing we can't overcome

You will always have A Place in My Heart
You will always be the Spark
If I'm lost and weary I'm not worried
I know You will always be there with open arms


=D *hugs* love you dear. Cant wait to see you in 24 hours time *hugs tight*

Optimism/Pessimism

Im currently experiencing a mental torture. It was just a few days back when I was telling myself everything will be ok and its only a few more days before Andrew books out. And I was thinking of what to wear when I meet him and what nice things to buy for him and where we should eat.

But somehow, I woke up today with a feeling of dread. It was suppose to be positive, but I became emo on the way to school and the negative feeling persisted the entire day. And I started thinking whether I would be able survive this tough test of our relationship. I started lamenting to myself how unlucky everything seems to be turning out and whether the outcome will be ideal as I originally thought. And I started countering every optismitic thought I had untill I fell asleep in class.

Im numb.....





I just spoke to Andrew on the phone, he couldnt really console me...sigh, I didnt expect him too...I guess, I really love him and the negative part of me is an old residual thinking of the past that surfaces occasionally when Im not in a balanced state....*sobs*
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hey dear, Im sorry for being pessimistic, I know I shldnt let you worry about me, but I really cant help it. I love you alot and the thought of not being able to be by your side is depressing. *hugs* I will gladly trade anything just to see you now. *hugs*

Im ok now, cant wait for this weekend! =D

~ Zero Gravity ~

~ zero gravity ~

we're neither bound by gravity or nature
we're neither governed by law or rules
we're neither accepted or unaccepted

zero gravity

we defy logic, nature and law
we love.

Goodbye PeepZ!! =)

Less then 24 hours before national service.
The countdown to either loneliness or a accomplishment is up ahead...

I've already set my resolutions, these are my goals then -

PTP
1) Slice down to less then 10 mins for my 2.4 km
2) Do 20 pull ups - easily
3) Score a high A for my Standing Broad Jump
4) Hit 55++ sit ups within 1 minute

BMT
1) Try to get in to OCS
1b - If I don't get into OCS, either try to become a PT or Guards
2) Make a hell lot of friends
3) Make sure I get 1 or 2 very close buddies

ok. I better not make too many resolutions, lest I get depressed if I can't hit all of them.

sigh... I've been berated like a hundred times for being so "enthu" to go into army... coz if I display too much "enthu-siasm" in the army, I'd most likely get labelled a freak or a sucker.

And.. yah... I'll most likely get more enemies then friends...

I don't plan to "wayang" or do anything equivalent to "sucking up", coz if the sergeant is a piss-face, I'd punch it too.

The reason I'm so enthusiastic about the army is becoz I've reached a stagnation in my gymming and swimming routines.
Stagnation meaning, there's a ceiling I can't break through.

And I've always thought that running was like one of the most boring and long winded exercises ever.

... so as expected, I never really ran much.

Which eventually took a toll on me, when I'm doing multiple circuits in the gym, or doing long distance frontcrawl dashes.

I'd find myself going out of breath too often, lacking enough concentration and energy etc etc.

The root cause? - Extremely low stamina; as reflected in my pathatic 2.4 km scores.

The army is going to change that.

Once that breakthrough is done, hopefully, I'd find enjoyment in running finally - and doing stamina training.

=/

The army has gotta help me do that.

I wanna run 21 km Standard Chartered Marathon one day.

And yes. I'm directly challenging Dominic who has held the record for countless years.

=P

heh heh heh.


I'm so going to miss everybody...
Its going to be about 3 weeks.

But I wonder if anybody will miss me too.

... I bet my blog will miss me... Coz 3 weeks will be the longest - longest - LONGEST time span I ever will have between my posts...


I dedicate my army life, finally - to the sole glory of God.
and, yeah... above all, may His light shine through me..


This is my final post for this month,






signing out,
Andrew.







______________

Its funny, when everything falls to pieces around you, you know love is there.
Seeking, finding, waiting and holding.
Thru all odds, waiting for the day of return.

I'll return, stronger then ever.
More capable of taking care of you then ever.

Wait for me, my love, my heart.
For even when the sun and the moon perish.
Our love will illuminate life itself...

*hugs*
______________

"If marriage is really the union of two souls, to be joined in holy matrimony, who then decides what defines it?"

A Christian can never say, "Heavenly Father, please bless my relationship with this guy. I know you don't approve of it, but I hope you'll join us in marital union."

Its ridiculous... Its not even funny.

=(

What is a Christian supposed to do if he's homosexual?

Resign to fate that God will never bless the relationship?

"For all have sinned and have fallen short of the Glory of God."

how can anybody ask, "God, please bless me as I rob this bank."
or
"God, please guard me as I stab this offender."


ARRGH...


*pain*

Transition.

Less then 100 hours before NS...

Sometimes it makes me wonder why I'm so enthu about leaving my friends, family and loved ones to go for somewhere unpredictable, regimental and so completely political.

I think I'm going crazy.

But I'm still not going to waver my resolve.

________


Yeah. I'm not going to they gym today, thats why I'm currently blogging.
I've achieved my goal of completely exhausting my muscles 3 days before I get into NS.

This is my last recovery phase before I enter Tekong.

I can safely say that my body has never been in better fitness condition in-my-life, before.

Ok. No excuse where I can say "I didn't train, thats why I'm like that lor..."

Of course I expect that there'll be like a hell lot of people far, FAR fitter then me. But then, I did try my best to prepare.
I'll try my best to reach the fittest standards also...

=/

sigh...

I'm just scared I'll make a single mistake that'll ruin my entire life in the army... =/

________


... I wonder how much my life is going to change...
... I know its going to be for the better, but how much?...
... I might turn for the worse... but how much worse?...


I feel bogged down so much by my ordinary life....
I really dunno how hard my transition will be like....

=/

sigh...

Army Resolutions

Its sad, that it is humanly possible that a person could be so... heartless.

Especially when he is high up in the press.

...

nvm.

***

People always ask me why I'm so eager to enter the army... which is a reasonable question, coz like 95% of the guys I know can't hate it more.

Well, it all has to do with the mindset - see?

On one hand, you can brood about this "forced slavery" or on the other, you can focus on extracting every good bit there is to absorb in the army.

The SAF is going to help me achieve 3 major goals :

1) Push me to the pinnacle of physical excellence

2) Hone my teamwork and leadership skills

3) "Regimentize" my life, in terms of discipline and order.

-

By the end of my training, I should be able to -

A) Fully understand military standards, commands and protocol

B) Do ultra intense cardio for 1 hour straight

C) Do ultra intense strength training for 1 hour straight

D) Survive in the wild, indefinitely.

-

I should also have -

i) Overcome my general fear of height

ii) Overcome my intense fear of insects

-

Yup.

I have a goal for the army, and sure as hell, I won't sit back at relax this few years.

If I have to go through hell, I'll make sure that it makes me shine.




SAF is one adventure I'm so looking forward to.

=)

Unrequited Love.

The most painful love, is unrequited love.

To watch the person hold the hands of another, from a distance.

To watch your love seal your hopes against your wishes

Your wishes against your dreams.


Why hope? When hopelessness clouds vision?
Why dream? When nightmares haunt sleep?
Why love? When pain lingers in every corner?


A wolf howls to the moon,
The animals cower in fear...
But little do they know, do they understand,
That the puppy lost his heart,
Lost his love.

The one that died within, died without.

But the one thing that goes beyond unrequited love, is knowing that you were loved once before.

Swimming discoveries. xD

Its been a long time since I posted...
I think its the longest interval since I ever posted...

I've been doing a hell lot of stuff these few... weeks.

Some of them willingly, some of them slightly less then willingly... =P


I've been teaching some people swimming. (not like I want to take on anything, but rather, they're my friends).

But staying at the pool for 6 hours in a row, can sometimes open your eyes to many stuff that people "do" in the pool.

some hilarious stuffs include -

1) A women in her mid thirties, extremely fat. Flabby fats, and bouncy fats. Floating in the lap pool. Basically, she just lies on her back and waddle around the pool, pushing herself away from the ledge and floating around the pool like a gigantic float.

2) Old men who just stand at the edge of the swimming pool doing yoga exercises.
Yes. We all know tai-chee is good for the body. But in the water, thats a totally different thing. No. Its not tough. Its hilarious.

3) Little kids screaming their heads off, "I'M DROWNING!!! I'M DROWNING!!!" When their feet is on the pool floor.

4) Lifeguards talking to various people in English, Chinese, Malay, Tamil, Thai, Bahasa Indonesia, Hokkian, Cantonese, Hakka, Hainanese... etc.
I bet that you never knew lifeguards knew so many language eh.

5) Women attempting synchronized swimming that ain't in anyway "synchronized". In fact, they look like stranded mermaids (or just a school of lost dugongs)






...zzzz

6) Swimming instructors hollering insults to their students which includes,
"WHERE IS YOUR HEAD!? WHERE IS YOUR HEAD?! YOU GOT NO HEAD RIGHT?"
"GO DEEPER! YOU SCARED DROWN IS IT?"
"BLOW HARDER!!! BLOW HARDER!!!!" (which incidentally sounds like... what it sounds like.)

The uber ridiculous thing about this farce is that the swimming instructor is actually saying this to students who are under water. Yes. Underwater. How the hell can they hear what the instructor is saying??

Author's note : To simulate sound transversing from air into water, close your mouth, hold your tongue completely still in your mouth (paralyze it if you have to), and try speaking from your stomach.

Yes. We understand what you say perfectly.



Funny people that we have at the pool, which includes 60 year old uncles wearing spongebob squarepants swimming trunks and SUNTANNING.
Like their skin aint wrinkled enough.



bzzt.



Bleah. I'm going into army soon, so I must list a few resolutions to make within this week and next week before I enter camp.

1) Find out how PTP is like
2) Sleep before 10:00 at night by next Monday. (Hardest goal)
3) Get ready my "nuclear arsenal" (I think only my family knows what I'm talking about)
4) Find a good book to read
5) Exhaust ALL my muscles 3 days before I enter
6) An uber mushy romantic day with Alvin
7) Destroy Nicholas on his birthday
8) Redye my hair black and cut it even shorter.
9) Make sure that I pass on everything to tu-di to take over me in the band once I'm gone
10) Reach 65 kg.

Yes.

ok. WEEEEE~~~

umm. I think I'm ready to go in.

Heh heh.

Uhhh... But no, its not as how RJ said. I still miss you all....

just that I'm think I'm sooo going to love the life inside army. ... I think... xD

ok. Its not just the guys.
ITS NOT JUST THE GUYS!!!!

zzzzz...

umm.. yah.
Sometimes, you just have to start every new chapter on a high note. xD

Why you should invest in Real Estate investment trusts

Sick and tired of lousy interest rates from your fixed deposits? Consider Real estate investment trusts instead! It combines the best elements of investing in a property and a stock and offers investors a higher and predictive yield. Interested? Read on further ^^

Further Disclaimer: The article below is intended for informative purposes only. It is not an inducement or offer to invest in reits or securities. Interested readers should consult their financial or professional advisers for more information if in doubt.

Why Reits are a smarter way to invest in property

Written by Shade

With the launch of the first Reit, Capitamall Trust, way back in 2002 and the establishment of a regulatory framework, Reits in Singapore has been gaining popularity steadily ever since. At last count,there are 18 reits listed on SGX amounting to a total market capitalization of approximately more than 24 billion SGD.

Why the huge demand for reits? There can be many reasons for this, but the main reasons are attributed to a growing class of investors who demand a steady and predictable form of investment and property investors who favour liquidity as opposed to illiquid property investment.

There are 3 main benefits in investing in reits as opposed to direct property investment. These are liquidity and affordability, diversification and leverage, predictive distribution yields and Asset management expertise of the manager.

A reit offers the benefit of liquidity to investors as it is listed on a stock exchange, thus, this gives it access to a wide public market. This gives investors the assurance of a “ready buyer, ready seller” and minimizes the risk of investing.

Reits are also affordable to most investors as the capital required is usually within their means and there isn’t a minimum sum. You invest what you can afford and there isn’t a need to get a loan from the bank to finance your investment, simply put- it is not capital intensive.

A common huge risk undertaken by traditional direct property investors is the lack of diversification and the cost of non leverage. A direct investment in property is capital intensive and lacks leverage. Reits linked up various properties and introduce leverage while effectively managing the risk of diversification.

An example of a diversified reit would be Capitamall Trust. The reit owns a total of 9 properties in both prime and suburban areas of Singapore. Should 1 property be underperforming in terms of rent accruement, the other properties in the reit would be able to cover the shortfall.

Lastly, it has been shown that many investors, especially those in their retirement years, prefer to invest in a stable and predictive form of investment where they are guaranteed a regular payout. Typically, a reit usually pays out at least 90% of its distributable income to unitholders. The average yield of Singapore reits is approximately 4.5%. Investors would no doubt find this attractive. Reits are also known to be less volatile as compared to stocks.

However, this is not to say that reits have no downsides. As to any form of investments, reits also carries risk and are naturally exposed to the cyclical nature of the stock market and the property industry. Should the property industry take a downturn, rental yields from the property held by a reit would decline and this would have a negatve impact on the distribution to unitholders. The Net asset value of the reit could also be affected in a property downturn and this would affect unitholders who may have invested in the reit above the issue price. There may also be the issue of unitholders having to rely solely on the competency of the asset manager. And should the asset manager fail to improve returns of the reit, the value of the reits may fall.

The above risks, however, can be mitigated by effective active asset management by the reit manager. Reits are usually structured in a manner where the interest of the unitholders is closely aligned with that of the manager. Performance fees would be paid to managers should they be able to procure high returns to unitholders, and as such, they would be motivated to the best of the ability to generate high returns.

The Property industry in Singapore is peeking again and is set to grow further in the coming years. Tax free distributions of reits has also helped spurred the number of reits listing on the stock exchange. With an ageing population, the demand for reits is set to rise.

With such bullish factors for the local property sector and more new and exotic listings coming in the future, the time may just be right to make an investment in a reit.

My Two Driving Forces

A friend told me this,

"I will never give up, because the moment I do, I lose my purpose and vision why I started on this journey in the first place. And since you're on the same journey as me, I'll push you forward, as much as I know you will when I fall."

That guy was a classmate that inspired me to work extremely hard in my last year in secondary school, allowing me to rank among the top in my school.

Before I started to study, he was like far better then me in every non-linguistic subjects. Thats why he said he'll push me forward... But in the end, I surpassed even him and many many others...

His words became and embodiment of what I believe in, two things :
- competition
and
- endurance

Anybody who knows me knows that I'm exceptionally competitive... T0 the point of obsession. Everyone and everything around me is perceived as competition, be it in the creative field, auxiliary field, or in the logical field.
Ironically, because of my intense competitive spirit, I become very depressed when I'm unable to reach my sky-high goal...
(i.e Trying to get Certificate of Merit [aka. The White Letter], from Poly)

The second is something I do, or rather don't know how to do... That is once I start on something, I don't want to give up. Or I just tell myself I don't know how to...
Its crazy. Especially when I take up like tons of commitments at one time, but somehow, this mentality enables me to take up stuff lots of people would be crushed under...


I'm not smart, at least not in the exceptional way... But the thing that differentiates me from many others is that I do not want to give up, lest I fall too far back and become unable to pick myself up again...


The same goes for the army.

National Service is one part of my life's journey that is unconditionally forced onto me. I'm not complaining or anything, but I want to make sure that every single day, every single moment is well spent there...
Be it networking with people, or doing physical training, or even learning drill...

I want to be a professional at what I do. Thats why I cannot afford to take one step back, because the future is too uncertain for those who keep stopping to take a breath.

I want to be a pro - at whatever I do that will benefit me.
I want to bench press a 100kg and marvel at myself doing so.
I want to do my 20th pull up and laugh at how I struggled to do IFAH in primary school
I want to break the 10 minutes mark for my 2.4 km run and feel the exhilaration running through my body.

There is only one journey. That journey is time.

Its what makes us all human. But what separates us humans are between those who know how to make full use of "Time" at every moment, and those who would rather sit back and watch the race.







We all got a race to finish.
What would you look back upon when your race is done?

DOWN WITH ODEX!! BOYCOTT ODEX!! *grins*

Haha.. the entire End-User Internet Community are in an uproar...
Everywhere, from Fridae.com to Hardwarezone.com, to Stomp and Trevvy and Sgforums...

Everybody HATES Odex! NObody LOVES Odex!

Ta-Dah! And I gladly join in the crowd...

Already like 5 of my friends have been fined between $3000-$6000 just for downloading a few anime. Like wtf?

Odex did the right thing to strike in Singapore's "I DON'T CARE FOR HUMAN RIGHTS" society.


DOWN WITH ODEX!!
DOWN WITH ODEX!!

JOIN THE REVOLUTION AND BLACK LIST THAT COMPANY!

LET THE INTERNET COMMUNITY RISE UP AND DESTROY A COMPANY THAT THREATENS THE VERY EXISTENCE OF HUMAN FREEDOM!!

now that we know that our ISPs are not safe? what of it?
they can just sell our ISPs, reveal whatever we are doing for fun?

wow. Lets just all go and use Lan shops better and revert back to the stone age.


ODEX SHOULD DIE
ODEX SHOULD BE DESTROYED


BOYCOTT ANYTHING THAT HAS ODEX IN IT!!



haha... oh. Dear me.
Then again, he's too busy sueing people. Like what the self proclaimed god of the anime market said.
He actually posted on Sgforums that "he has no time to quarrel" and is "busy sueing people"

OOOH..

dont you hate his guts..



I really hope that ODEX burns, gets destroyed, bankrupt its director crawling between his legs only to get trampled upon by the vast internet community.
The director is seriously haughty and downright sick.



for everybody reading my blog.

do yourself a favor
do everybody a favor
do ME a favor!

haha..

BOYCOTT ODEX.
DO NOT BUY ANYTHING THAT HAS CONNECTIONS TO DO WITH ODEX.

past the word on!

*highly encouraged*


xD


oh. btw, my disclaimer still stands. So if there are any pro-odex people here... (which I think would be like a needle in a haystack), please read my lovely disclaimer!


I HATE ODEX.
hmm... probably more then Xiaxue even.

but I LOATHE ODEX.

end of story! *grins*

Lol. I'm still on the Honour's Roll... =X

My Cameron Highland Trip Photos!

In-depth Botany.

yaay. they've expended botanical gardens!
its bigger, wider, and more gargantuan then ever now!

lolz. Went to botanical gardens to run, but ended up having to jog slowly, coz my calf muscles still ached from yesterday's gym training...

It was really beautiful though, the sun wasn't scorching or blazing, and all the plants were cast in soft shadows..

I could just sit at the Eco-Garden lake for like a few hours and stare at the black swans squabbling with each other or smell the little herbs that grew in the spice garden...

Amazingly, there was almost nobody (cept the gardeners) in the entire vast Eco-Garden... As far as the eye could see, it was like just you-me-and mother nature...


I lost my strength to jog by the time I reached the end of the Eco Garden (which I think its about 3-4 km), so I walked slowly back to the Tanglin gate...

I saw something really nice on the way back... it was 2 guys... I'm not sure what school they were from, but they were definitely from secondary school, coz the senior had long pants and the junior was wearing the short version..

The senior was brooding, and quite lost in thought... then the junior muzzled (I can't find a better term to use) into his arms and poked him until he laughed and both of them were rolling on the grassy hill...
I was about to run over and stop them from rolling into the Symphony lake, coz they were like really close to the lake - when something they did stunned me..

The junior rolled on top of his senior and kissed him..

*stun*
*blink*

That was in wide-open view of the public, (mostly tourists around the area).. but nobody else really bothered...

Then the senior caught my eye and started nudging his junior, embarrassed.... The junior's face had an indescribable expression on.... (maybe embarrassment too)

... I just smiled at them and jogged away...

at the corner of my eyes I saw them laughing and poking each other again...


when I lost sight of them, somehow tears just came blurring my vision...
for a moment there, I saw myself and... my ex...


it was... quite a beautiful day at the botanical gardens..... =)



I'll prod you if you're sad
I'll poke you if you're mad
I'll squeeze you if you're happy
I'll hug you if you're gloomy
Memories return to remind, how much I can love you more...

and how much more we can love each other....

hmm.. maybe its true after all....

Taken from a MPD diagnosis website....

But I know that, in the case of MPD, the patient's Original Personality (yes, teachers, the only one they have) goes "into hiding" at the time of a life threatening assault before the age of seven. Therefore, there is "no one home" to have the Disorder of Identity. The Original Personality is the only one capable of having such a "false belief," but she is not in executive control of the body or participating in social life at all. But the Allisonian ISH I met in these patients had created all sorts of alters to run the body in the absence of the Original Personality.

Grade V hypnotizability is a characteristic of the Emotional Self and is a trait given to it at birth. This trait is accompanied by other characteristics, such as psychic abilities, exquisite sensitivity to the emotions of others, fantasy proneness, flamboyance, and "hysterical" traits of all kinds.

The first effect is dissociation of the Intellectual Self from the Emotional Self. The Intellectual Self (aka Essence, Risei) then sends the Emotional Self (aka Original Personality, Kanjou) into hiding somewhere in Thoughtspace, so the Original Personality abdicates executive control over the physical body. The Essence takes on the role of Inner Self Helper (Damage Control Officer) and has to go to work making the first False-Front Alter-Personality to run the body. The ISH designs and programs all alters to do whatever is necessary to keep the child alive.

Each alter is designed to do a job and only that job. It is endowed with characteristic traits which the Original Personality would have taken on, if it were in charge. The situation can be viewed as operating a doll factory, with only the outfits of clothes being produced. The doll, itself, is not present. The alters are the sets of clothes, but there is no doll inside any of them. Therefore, they cannot grow and change. They can only do what the ISH has programmed them to do.

DID
The essential feature of Dissociative Identity Disorder is the presence of two or more distinct identities or personality states (Criterion A) that recurrently take control of behavior (Criterion B). There is an inability to recall important personal information, the extent of which is too great to be explained by ordinary forgetfulness (Criterion C). The disturbance is not due to the direct physiological effects of a substance or a general medical condition (Criterion D). In children, the symptoms cannot be attributed to imaginary playmates or other fantasy play

I always thought that maybe I was just.. a bit different, after all.. I've been living with it for like years and years.... and years....

... its strange isn't it...
somehow... I seem to fit all the criteria flat for having Multiple Personality Disorder AND Dissociative Identity Disorder

MPD
1) I had a life threatening encounter at 5 years old
2) There is no "One Home" to 'him', and he is unable to participate almost completely in social activities
3) There is one very obvious strange trait in me, which is the ability to live in my mind, and live in the world. One which I have full control (perceptibly) and one which I don't have any control at all.
4) The "hiding into Thoughtspace" seem to relate very well to both 'him' and me.
5) 'He' can be considered a "damage control officer" because he is ALOT stronger then me, and he has a 'false-front alter personality' too...
6) He has a goal and job too.... obviously.

DID
Criterion A) Obviously.
Criterion B) Within the transition period, I forget a lot of stuff that happened to me during that period, i.e. What I eat, what I did, who I met, where did I go etc.... It can happen simultaneously or one by one.
Criterion C) Yah. Its too obvious to be explained by mere forgetfulness
Criterion D) Nope.. I ain't sick or anything...


I.... wonder... =/

I hate Xiaxue! err... yah...

*grins*

so flaming Xiaxue on your blog REALLY does make your blog hits go up more... lolz, I should do it more often... - like putting it as a title... haha

*glowers evilly*

Bah to all those who have been trying to find an opportunity to wack my utterly burnt back!
=/

Andrew went to Sentosa last Friday and got burnt. I asked for the sun, complained that it was too cloudy, and WALLAH, the sun came out for a split second and burnt the hell out of me.

Caught a terrible cough in KL - which effectively downed me for one whole week.

Got sunburnt on the same week - which I'm still suffering from.

jeez. This is fun.

Which reduced the number of times I went to the gym this week to a grand total of : ONCE.
The number of times which I did cardio this week to a grand total of : ONCE.

Yes. I'm shocked.

jeez. I'd better make it up properly next week... sigh...

Yippez, oh yah! My KL shopping expedition!
Bought hell lot of stuffs -

1 pair of Oakley sunglasses
1 Nike Tee
1 Oakley bag
1 pair of Levis jeans
1 Levis leather wallet
1 Levis leather belt
1 CK summer edition perfume
1 pair of Abercrombie bermudas
1 pair of Adicolor limited edition shoes
1 pair of DC streetwear shoes
1 nice big cross to go with my street gear

okie. Total? - $150+
I'd let you do the thinking.. hahaha

Also bought stuff like:

8 other T-Shirts
1 portable protein shaker which I couldn't find in Singapore
1 PSP protector (damn I got cheated for this)
another pair of bermudas
and another emergency pair of shoes
2 little Super Mario keychains for my dear

*grins*

now this is how shopping should be like

- Andrew goes to KL's Chinatown -

Me - *cough* umm, how much?

Uncle - eh, for you I give special price! 110RM only!

Me - *blinks* err... ok... (give dejected look and proceed to walk away)

Uncle - eh boy! wait wait! You give me a price then I see how lah!

Me - Umm... 30RM?

Uncle - Aiyoh, like that cannot do business lah.... (yadah yadah yadah)

Me - *fingers wallet's cash* 33 RM?

Uncle - ....

Me - * proceed to walk away *

Uncle - Ok ok ok! I sell you 50 RM k?

Me - *tugs mum's sleeve* *points to another shoe shop* that shop's uncle say that 40 RM he'll sell me hor...

Uncle - *flustered* I sell you 38 RM!

Me - *grins back* okay!

--------------

hahaha.. see? I love bargaining. And that is how you can get a pair of branded shoes for below $20!



sigh... its been a beautiful week yah?
No gym, no exercise to weigh me down...
Every moment I spent with you was great...
Vivocity, watching the ships sail by..
Marina, watching the fireworks...

Dreams don't get better then reality...
I can have whatever I want in my dreams,
But its your free will, that binds you to me...
*hugs*
I love ya...

Since...

the Queen Bitch of the Era herself said that commenting negatively about her would boost the publicity of a blog, I thought...

why not? give it a... BIG SHOT!!

XIAXUE SUCKS.

though she is my senior (technically), she despises her polytechnic education.

ok.

anyway.

XIAXUE is a TWISTED, HOT TEMPERED WHORE.

XIAXUE is a PUBLIC RELATIONS SLUT

XIAXUE is a BITCH

XIAXUE is a... damm.. I dont use much vulgarities on my blog huh.

but I know someone who can..... *cough*

kannenabechaocheebyetuanehbuchaokachngkang *takes deep breath*
seepehseepukanpuilaobubohlanjaio *takes another deep breath*
whorefacefathersuckingasshole *takes another deep breath*

(host of arabic, chinese, latin, greek, italian, french, swedish, malay, tamil, bahasa indonesian etc. vulgarities.)

*cough* back to me..

anywayz, I really hate her.

I made my point a long time ago, and I still hate her.
I loathe her.
I despise her.

to top off everything, I look down on her.

Someone like her can get all the publicity she wants by destroying people on her blog.
Karma aside, its a sad life for those who are her "friends".

nobody will really be friends with a person who wields power like a mad tiger(ess) yah?

sad.... maybe she leads a double life and her blog is just a forced image because she is "supposed" to be that way.
but if thats the case, I think, she needs a severe rehabilitation.

of all the blogs I've read in the world, nothing comes close to edging on
- defamatory
- disillusioned
- dysfunctional
- derogatory

as her blog.

oh. she's linked actually by the way.

and she has THIRTY THOUSAND READERS reading her blog!

of coz she's proud of that... little does she knows that out of the 30,000 readers, 29,000 of them go there to be appalled at such a disgusting, immatured little girl.

ooh. hahaha.. jie jie is older then me.

but I hate jie jie.

how?

I don't hate much people. But Wendy is really an individual that causes me utmost loathing.


hahahahah... *manic laughter*


oh. btw, if you're ever a XX supporter, don't bother to flame me on my blog.

1) I EDIT comments, and if you flame me, I'll most likely edit your comment to make YOU flame her on my blog - just for my self satisfaction

2) I DELETE and REMOVE comments that I don't like at will. And I have the ability to remove hundreds of comments at one time. So dont even think of flooding.

3) Read my disclaimer below. Its similar to Xia Xue, so, thanks for patronizing my blog!

A matter of principle....

I should be stuyding now, my exam starts in approximately 9 hours. But there is something heavy in my heart....


Arguments are but simple discourse where the participants offers their view to the opposing party. Sometimes, in the discourse, principles of the participants are revealed unknowingly. Principles are basic fundamentals which is difficult to compromise on.

In the end, the arguements usually ends with both side smiling at each other, each having gained an insight in the manner the other is thinking. However, when principles clashs, the arguement may not end there.

Im a noob when it comes to AJ relationships as this is the first time Im having one. I may not know what is expected of me, but I stick to the golden principle of love. It is by this principle that has guided me so far. I will reciprocate what has been given to me and I will remain loyal.

Maybe thats why I think compatability issues are a small thing. Love is more important. It is the defning factor of any relationship. I can argue with you that sun is the moon and the moon is an imaginary object, but I still love you.

True, a clash of priniciples will lead to one questioning the relationship and feeling depressed and confused for awhile. Thats normal. But in the end, when you realise you are still in love with the person, there really isnt an issue anymore. Thats my principle.

On a side note: the financial markets sucked big time today. Those with cash should view this as a buying opportunity. Plenty of cheap stocks to buy now that dumb people are selling like no tomorrow.


Hmm, I found this somewhere on the net years back about water signs. Perhaps, you would understand me better by reading it? X)

Pisces is governed by the Element of Water...an Element it shares with the Signs of Scorpio and Cancer. Water is also the ruler of the Fourth, Eighth and Twelfth Houses of the Zodiac. Water is linked to emotion and the subconscious. Believed by many to be the strongest and most enduring Element, Water is associated with love, purification, intuition, compassion, family, mysteries of the self and psychic ability. In a physical sense, all life is dependent upon Water and it is symbolic of the universal womb, the Great Mother, birth and fertility. This Element is equally life-giving and life-destroying...used to cleanse or purify in both a physical and psychic sense. Water is able to adopt many forms...it can be liquid or gaseous (as in steam) or even frozen...it can be as gentle as a tiny babbling brook or as violent as a thundering tidal wave. Water is indicative of the emotional response to a situation, as well as being sensitive and inspiring of intuition. This Element remembers the past and foresees the future. It is said to correspond to the emotional side of an individual's nature...humans being equally as changeable, subtle and able to infliltrate as is Water itself. Water natives possess the ability to gauge moods, sense the atmosphere of an environment and act accordingly. The approach of these individuals is based upon emotion, where experience is registered through feelings and evaluated by the emotional responses made to such feelings. This Element also describes what is known as instinct...or the part of an individual which is animal and includes the workings of the body which are outside the bounds of willpower...digestion, heartbeat and the instincts of survival and procreation, for example. The traditional symbol for Water is a triangle pointing downward.


Water individuals tend to feel things very deeply but remain emotionally reserved, regardless what outward impression may be given. However, still waters do run deep and there is a certain mystery which has always been associated with Water Signs. Such subjects are prone to fall silent or become withdrawn when they are attempting to sort things out, and it usually takes quite some time for others to become well-acquainted with those ruled by this Element since Water natives tend to reveal themselves very slowly. Water Signs realize that their intense emotions hold tremendous power and are apt to handle their feelings with extreme care. In love, water signs "fall" wholeheartedly and are more than generous with their devotion. Being sensitive, they are highly romantic...even sentimental. Often blessed with psychic powers, those governed by Water have the ability to read the true intentions of others by simply tuning-in to gestures and body language. Those ruled by Water will always trust actions more than they trust the spoken word. This Element is the universal solvent, cleansing and sustaining life on earth, breaking down substances, dissolving them and then taking on their qualities. In much the same way, a Water Sign native will listen to the problems of others and then take on those problems as though they were his or her own. This ability to sympathize and empathize is a truly wonderful trait and individuals governed by Water offer those in need their full attention, a shoulder to cry on and some excellent advice. Because Water Signs give of themselves so readily, it is necessary for them to have regular time alone in order to regain their center.



The Element of Water is said to rule the soul and possess a strong aversion to being confined. Thus, those who fall under its influence will often assert their immense desire for freedom...no matter how gently such may be expressed. Water Signs will be imaginative and very creative and their observations regarding the human condition quite often inspire masterpieces of painting, music, photography, literature or dance. Working in a studio or a small self-employed business (usually connected to the creative arts) holds much appeal for those ruled by Water, although their on-target intuition frequently assures success in financial areas also. Water natives are intuitive, sensitive and tend to feel more intensely than those born under the other three Elemental jurisdictions. These are emotional and nurturing souls who, somewhat like a river, "run deep." Actions are usually based on sense rather than logic or intellect. Basically, Water Signs are concerned with compassion and understanding, since the receptive talent of such individuals is extraordinarily high. Those governed by this Element are able to absorb the feelings of those around them, process the information and then put forth a plan or solution which will be conscientious to all. Since Water Signs sense the feelings of others and are acutely aware of their surroundings on an emotional level, they tend to live in a somewhat spiritual world where everything and anything can become sacred. Thus, given such a protective and nurturing nature, Water natives frequently find it difficult to draw the line between what they should care about and what they should leave alone.



The major problem of those ruled by Water is their sensitivity. They are prone to break under stress if their sensitivity cannot be controlled and may seek escape through drugs, alcohol or some other type of addiction. These subjects also have a tendency to harbor grudges due to this same lack of control. Nevertheless, for the most part, the influence of Water manifests itself in an artistic manner, with those under its influence desirous of aesthetic beauty...and a wish that everyone be happy as a result of that beauty. Yet, much like still water can become stagnant, Water individuals who are inactive are not at their best. They feel most fulfilled when they are helping others...something they are usually able to accomplish in an enchanting, considerate and even romantic fashion. On the negative side, there is a tendency for those who fall under the jurisdiction of this Element to brood. They are susceptible to mood swings and, at their worst, can grow to be self-indulgent, controlling and hostage to something of a fantasy world. Of all the Signs, those ruled by Water are able to see things most clearly. In short, they are the psychics of the Zodiac...ones who prefer to specialize in private relationships. Individuals who fall under the jurisdiction of Water are fluidly-feeling souls and their range of dispositions moves readily from "ice storm" to "placid river" to "hot steam." These natives adore the comforts of home and family and are, in general, strongly nurturing of anything that has life. With compassionate instincts, the Water subject is drawn to care for whomever or whatever appears to be weak, defective or on the "losing side."



Adept in the world of feelings and rarely unduly frightened by any emotion which might be encountered, Water individuals are often mutually attracted to those governed by the Element of Air (Gemini, Libra and Aquarius). These Air subjects require support when encountering deep feelings and past memories, being apt to minimize the value of emotional experiences, while Water natives require assistance in the realm of logic and reason...qualities upon which they can draw heavily from the more verbal Air individual. However, Air tends to be a rather superficial Element and when the approaches of Air are perceived as being too icy and hostile, Water will shut itself off by forming a sheet of ice, thereby preventing the coldly analytical intellect of Air from looking into the depths of Water's soul. However, when these two Elements do connect in a favorable fashion, the results are often manifested in the form of artists who know how to express the images of the soul through words or music. This Elemental combination can also produce the true spiritual helpers and guides. Nevertheless, Water natives customarily dislike the strong boisterous personality which is inherent in the Air character. This personality aversion also applies to those governed by the Element of Fire (Aries, Leo and Sagittarius), but to an even greater extent and Water tends to flee from the heat of Fire Signs. In short, this is a combination which "steams." Water quickly feels overpowered by Fire's direct nature and often, Water finds itself with hurt feelings. Yet, the momentum of Fire...the inherent optimism and joy of life...can sometimes rouse Water from its apathy. Since trust is of paramount importance to Water, perhaps the most compatible Element is Earth (Taurus, Virgo and Capricorn), which is frequently able to provide such a quality. Earth may bring to Water the much needed stability, structure and consistency to keep this Element contained in a more healthy and calm manner. However, this will apply only as long as Earth can prevent itself from "drying out" the Element of Water since there is a tendency for Earth to suppress, by way of unimaginative and factual thinking, the inner correlation that Water senses.




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Hey dear, sorry to upset you this evening. Pls dont let those negative thoughts get the better of you. Everytime you cry, its not just 1 person in the relationship crying =)

I love you with all my heart. Understand that my love doesnt reveal itself all at one go. The longer you are with me, the clearer the picture becomes. If you are ever in doubt, know this: My Love for you is always there. It will never cease. I probably didnt tell you this before, but everyday before I sleep and awake, I affirm my love for you many times. Your name is what repeats in my mind. I love you Andrew, with all my heart, I do.

One of the rare picture posts.. heh =)

Stayed on the top of the mountain Cameron Highlands, frigging cold... haha... Its an old colonial bungalow.



Chicken coops! I'm like super amused by them, they're really quiet though, not like the ones in the kampong...



Yup! This is the view after you've clambered up to the top! 6666 feet above sea level... =)





A mountain flower... I can't remember what is the name, but its really beautiful, just like all the others around...





and of course, the farms in the Highlands! =)

專屬天使 - TANK

我不會怪你　對我的偽裝
天使在人間是該藏好翅膀
人們愚蠢魯莽　而妳纖細善良　
怎能讓妳為了我被碰傷

小小的手掌　厚厚的溫暖　
妳總能平復我不安的夜晚
不敢想的夢想　透過妳的眼光　
我才看見它原來在前方

沒有誰能把妳搶離我身旁　
妳是我的專屬天使　
唯我能獨佔
沒有誰能取代妳在我心上　
擁有一個專屬天使　
我哪裡還需要別的願望

小小的手掌　大大的力量　
我一定也會像妳一樣飛翔
妳想去的地方　就是我的方向　
有我保護笑容儘管燦爛

沒有誰能把妳搶離我身旁　
妳是我的專屬天使
唯我能獨佔
沒有誰能取代妳在我心上
擁有一個專屬天使　
我哪裡還需要別的願望

要不是妳出現　我一定還在沉睡　
絕望的以為　生命只有黑夜

沒有誰能把妳搶離我身旁　
妳是我的專屬天使　
唯我能獨佔
沒有誰能取代妳在我心上
擁有一個專屬天使
我哪裡還需要別的願望

Translated :
Personal Angel - TANK

I won't blame you for the disguise you put on in front of me
An angel on earth should hide his wings well
People are foolish and crude but you are gentle and kind
how can I let you get hurt because of me

Your small palm holds such warmth
You can always calm my restless nights
The dreams I dare not dream, only through your eyes
Allow me to see the future

No one can take you from my side
You are my personal angel
An angel only for me
No one can replace your place in my heart
Just having a personal angel
How can I wish for anything more

In your small palm hold such warmth
I will soar through the sky with you
Your destination is my destination
With my protection, let your smile lighten the sky

No one can take you from my side
You are my personal angel
An angel only for me
No one can replace your place in my heart
Having a personal angel
How can I wish for anything more

If you didn't appear I would still be in a deep sleep
Hopelessly thinking life is one dark night

No one can take you from my side
You are my personal angel
An angel only for me
No one can replace your place in my heart
Having a personal angel
How can I wish for anything more

hey... darling... 24 hours and I'll be back in Singapore...
I'm loving you, and loving your more and more each day..
*hugs*
I'm crazy about you...
=P I love my goomba too... *hugs tight*

Hero

Would you dance if I asked you to dance?
Would you run and never look back
Would you cry if you saw me crying
Would you save my soul tonight?

Would you tremble if I touched your lips?
Would you laugh oh please tell me these
Now would you die for the one you love?
Hold me in your arms tonight?

(Chorus)
I can be you hero baby
I can kiss away the pain
I will stand by you forever
You can take my breath away

Would you swear that you'll always be mine?
Would you lie would you run away
Am I in to deep?
Have I lost my mind?
I don't care you're here tonight

Chorus

I just want to hold you (2x)
Am I in too deep?
Have I lost my mind?
Well I don't care you're here tonight

Chorus (2x)

You can take my breath my breath away
I can be your hero

- Enrique Iglesias

hail from "truly asia"

selamat datang~! from malaysia i call...

currently in my uncle's house, all the way up a mountain overlooking the capital of malaysia...

bleah.. dunno wad to blog also...

my cousin's keyboard is cranky. -.-

i can only type 1/10th of my normal speed with his keyboard...

army countdown : 50 days

Haiz... I'll be going to army soon...

army army army... its sort of like a minor-fantasy for me... (please don't think in the perverted way.)
but, its going to take me away from so many things....

Friends, family, commitment... everything will be new...

The reason why I said that its going to be like a minor fantasy for me, its because, for once in my life, I'm going to be paid for training.
Yes.
There's no gym on earth that will pay you for exercising, no swimming pool that will pay you for entry, and no field that will pay you for running on it..

There are sacrifices though,

1) I have to content with a blazing sun while I'm wearing a combat suit that is going to give me horrid tan lines

2) Arrogant officers and leaders who exist to make the life of their men miserable. (There is a difference between pushing for excellence and pushing for misery)

3) Inability to communicate with people outside the prison.

4) Questionable health and hygiene measures.


I'm looking forward for army, seriously, its going to be an ultimate life-changing experience, but I'm expecting positive results...


I'm preparing, I'm training, I'm working hard now.

Because its going to be a whole new competition inside, and I'm going to give myself a wide headstart... so far to a point that my old self would never be able to even dream of.

In fact, my current strength and physical fitness is something I never even dreamt of..



heh. Exercising is way cool.
The results that it provides - is way cooler.

Can you answer 19 questions about your....

DON'T change your top friends, and
answer 19 questions about the 1st
person in your top friends.


1) What's their name?
Alvin

2) Do you trust them?
Haha.. Yah.

3) How did you meet them?
At a steamboat dinner.

4) How old were you when you first met?
20

5) Is this person one of your best friends?
Much more then that I think.. haha...

6) Say something that only makes sense to you and this person.
He says that you should play basketball.

7) Is this person older than you?
Nope

8) When was the last time you saw them?
Uhh.. 2 hours ago?

10) Are you their b/f or g/f?
Lol. Yah

11) Do you have nicknames
Er... no... unless Mukozi and Goomba is taken.. =X

12) Do you have pics of this person on your Myspace?
ha. Nope.

13) How many times do you talk to this person in a week?
many, many, many times....

14) Do you think the person will repost this?
This is a bulletin done on a blog. so nobody will repost this. LMAO.

15) Could you live with this person?
Hmmmm.... Guess so!

16) Could you live without them?
... I guess so.... but it'll be kinda sad... huh...

17) Why is this person number 1 on your top friends?
Coz he is a little kid. I give way to little kids.

18) Have you seen this person cry?.
... yah...

19)Has this person every seen you cry?
i think so....